Why You Should Leave Your Church

The Christian church is universal, and it is the universal church of which we are most fundamentally a part and to which we are committed.

The idea is afoot among theologically astute churches and Christians that it is wrong to leave a church, or that the only reasons one can leave are theological or deeply moral.

Assuming you’re not irremediably shallow and aren’t leaving to find a slightly more able rock band or better lights show, can you leave a church if it just isn’t doing it for you?

Of course you can. Perhaps you should.

I am addressing people who are highly committed and fulfill the duties of a church member but find themselves disappointed. You need to hear: It might be time to move on.

The body of Christ is wide. You have no obligation to remain with one group only. You do have an obligation not to be divisive. But staying and dividing things is divisive; amicably attending elsewhere is not divisive. (And standing up when you have to is not “divisive” either.)

If you are forced to discover some “gospel reason” for leaving a church, you will slander your fellow Christians. Not everything that matters spiritually is a “gospel issue!” (Importantly, a great many issues are “law issues,” and there are plenty of adiaphora, literally “things indifferent,” that do make a difference.)

If your pastor wants a new, jumbo building, it’s not a “gospel issue,” but you might want to leave him to his pet project and go find a smaller body of believers content with their arrangements. If your pastor is moving the church from traditional to contemporary worship surreptitiously, but not so secretly, it’s not a “gospel issue,” but you can see where things are going.

You should attend the church that feeds you spiritually. We need different things at different points in our Christian life. We also need to interact with many different Christians and types of Christians. You have a spiritual obligation to switch churches on that basis. Otherwise, you’ll be narrow-minded and stale.

If you want to forge a local Christian community, you can remain connected to Christians who live near you whether you attend the same church on Sunday or not.

Honestly, the main thing you get from and do at church is to attend Sunday worship. If you object to changing musical styles and other aspects of the service, these get called “superficial.” But they are literally the main thing you interact with each week. They signify so much - please don’t call it superficial whether we sing pop songs to Jesus or reach back centuries into the hymnody or millennia into the psalmody of the church!

(I’m sure my contemporary-loving brothers and sisters can defend their own views just as competently. There is nothing superficial about worship wars. If it were superficial, then why do pastors care so much about changing it?)

You need fellowship. You need to do it. But you also need to receive it. If you’re not receiving it, change churches.

If your pastor is imposing spiritual burdens on you that seem unnecessary or overbearing, change churches. You’ll immediately find it confirmed that he made those burdens up, and they are not Christian universals. The load will lighten - something I remember Jesus saying. 

If you just don’t click with the pastor, get out! Find a pastor you click with. You’ll be better for it. You can’t hear correction from someone you can’t hear period.

Admittedly, there’s the worry that if you abandon a pastor you don’t click with, you’re just seeking what your itching ears want to hear. Avoid doing that, but once your conscience is satisfied that you’re not doing that, switch to a pastor you can hear.

I’m assuming you have other churches available to you. We don’t live in times of old; driving distance is often proximity enough. Obligation to a local church can be overwrought.

If your gifts aren’t being welcomed and used, get out and find a place that will use them!

If you’re not making Christian friends at your church, get out and find a place where you make friends!

If you don’t see mentors and discipleship at your church, get out and find a place where you do! You need it!

I’m not going to make the qualifications. Someone who has the wrong reasons is going to use this article. But there’s already enough encouragement to remain at your church. Each church propagandizes for itself and tries to force you to stay; do you know a church encouraging people to leave its ranks? You have zero obligation to stay, apart from specific obligations you have incurred in terms of friendships and commitments.

How do you leave a church? What do you say?

Don’t over-theologize. Keep it individual: “Here’s what I spiritually need.”

Don’t try to give reasons that hold up to the standard of, “Unless I’m a heretic, you have to stay at my church.”

Touch base with your best Christian friendships at the church and maintain those connections.

Leave gracefully; don’t make a stink, unless you have to.

Feel free to be honest, but don’t insult the church.

Finally, let me go one step deeper, theologically. If you read through volumes of theology, you may see a mention of “the Church,” but at no point will you see a use of “the church” that is referring to your particular congregation. The Church is the church universal, and it is that of which Christians are most fundamentally a part and to which we are committed.

Indeed, Christians are not merely members of the invisible church. We must, normatively, join with a particular local congregation of the visible church. But it would actually be a betrayal of the universality or catholicity of the church to insist that people stay at one church come hell or high water. What is wrong with the church up the street? (In some cases, “plenty,” but not in others.) Actual adherence to a Christian doctrine of the church should lead to a certain amount of church-hopping.

The Christians at another church near you need you. And you need them. Change churches today.